I'm eating all of the evidence.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
