There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
