Ketchup is God's man juice
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
