the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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