His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
