I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
