i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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