Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
