I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
and you fell through a lawn chair
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
