She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I checked into jail on foursquare
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
