if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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