there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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