brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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