I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
