Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
