We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
