it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you will always have a special place in my vag
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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