my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
