i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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