M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
3pm strippers are depressing
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
