i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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