If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize