she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
