She announced her abortion via fbk
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
