boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
