I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
