No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My ATM looks so different sober.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
