So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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