Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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