My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
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