Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
