don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
