im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The uberlube is also flammable
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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