im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
