Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
