You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
