why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
