I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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