I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Randomize
