It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
