he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
