You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
