i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
