it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
