so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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