Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
