Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
