areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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