Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
