My Higher Power is John Stamos
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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