Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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