just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
