I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just found puke in my bra..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
