They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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