Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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