Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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