I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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