I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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