she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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