Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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