I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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