I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
