Can Purell be used as lube?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
