It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
bring money and cleavage
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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