There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
