Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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