I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
