That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
