nutella sex= disaster
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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