You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
