haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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