it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
