So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The struggles of a small town man whore
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
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